I Am The One & Only – Nobody I’d Rather Be!

Oh dear.  I think I will regret this!

25 weird, wonderful things about the Purple Minxy Temptress.

What, they have to be suitable for public consumption?  Oh.  Then it’ll be about 2 things that I can share with you.

The Gaz-Man started this for me in fact on his blog, so I might use those as starting points.

“Oh, yeah! I hope Nix does this. It’ll be a scream.

Here’s a few:

Hates oysters…

Hates seafood…

Loves purple…

Detests spelling mistakes…”

I’m also reading Linda’s, Renee’s, and Hilary’s answers for inspiration – so somewhere between that are my 25 things:

1.   I’m 5’7″ when barefoot.  Usually wearing heels though, so more like 5’10 / 5’11”
2.  I’m one-eighth Italian (yes, I know, not really enough to count, but it makes me sound a little more exotic)
3.  The only television I watch is either music channels or comedy quiz panel shows – like Never Mind The Buzzcocks, QI, Mock The Week etc.  I can often be found dancing around my house to the music channels.  I don’t do news, or soaps, or any reality TV stuff.
4.  My favourite cocktail is Sex On The Beach
5.  But no, I have never tried the ‘other’ variety.  Sand friction burns don’t appeal.  If I could get around that though…hmm…
6.  I can’t stand seafood, the sight, the smell, let alone the taste.
7.  I’m horrendously pedantic about spelling.  I know, I should get out more.  I can’t help it, it’s ingrained.  Although I find it a lot harder to spot in my own work!
8.  I am easily distracted by shiny sparkly things (especially purple)
9.  But do not ever underestimate me or think that I am superficial – I run a lot deeper than some people realise.
10.  I am a complete and utter tea addict.  But of all the things in life to be addicted to, I really don’t think tea is the worst.
11.  I have had a couple of burlesque lessons, so could rustle up a burlesque routine (think corsets, fishnets, high heels, feather boa etc)
12.  I have also had a lapdancing lesson so have a routine for that as well.  Complete opposite of burlesque!  But I haven’t had the chance to practice on a real person yet, other than the poor woman I was paired with when we did the lesson in the first place.  She probably still hasn’t recovered!
13.  I’m an Aries, and do tend to follow the majority of Aries traits (hot-headed, impulsive, independent, fiery etc!)
14.  I’m completely obsessed with cats.  Humans I’m not so bothered by, but cats, definitely.
15.  I’m a great multitasker.  But then I’m female!
16.  Er, I’m female (yeah, like none of you had realised that!).
17.  I’m left-handed.
18.  The most important person in my life is my brother.
19.  I have never been abroad and I don’t even own a passport (although I did go on a somewhat disastrous school trip to France when I was about 12 – though I try not to remember that).
20.  One of my best friends happens to be one of my ex-boyfriends.
21.  I have a slight obsession with animal print.
22.  My favourite film trilogies are Star Wars (the original trilogy, none of this ‘modern’ nonsense with Jar-sodding-Jar Binks or whatever it was called), Lord of the Rings, and Pirates of the Caribbean.
23.  I’m an extremely loyal friend to those I choose to care about.  Although don’t ever cross me.  There’s a quote from Shirley Manson (lead singer of Garbage) that I read when I was about 15 and identified with – “If you f**k with me, I’ll f**k with you back.  And I’ll wipe the floor with you.  It’s as simple as that”.
24.  I’m fascinated by lyrics in songs.  Or just words generally for that matter.
25.  I love anything with humourous and sarcastic wit.
26.  If I could be anyone for the day, then it would have to either be Immodesty Blaize or Dita Von Teese.
27.  I don’t do regrets.  Seriously, I regret nothing that I have ever done or not done, because I choose to learn from every experience.  OK, so I might have done some stupid things, but without the lessons learned from doing those, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today.

The rest of the things are too rude or too intimate to share really!

Yes, I know, I went over my 25.  I’m like that.

What do you think?  I view myself as a reasonably straightforward open person, so I don’t think a lot that I’ve said above will surprise anyone.  Thoughts / comments?

If you've enjoyed this post, I'd be grateful if you'd share it with your friends or anyone else that you feel it could help.

25 replies
  1. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Hello Your Purple Minxliness,

    Well, what a charming list!

    #8 was very amusing.

    #10 I like tea too – black and strong. But you already know that.

    Regarding 12 – Oh… OK… I’ll volunteer. Someone has to, sooner or later. I’ll do it. I’ll take the hit for the team.

    #14 – I’m obsessed with BIG pussy cats – TIGERS, especially white tigers. I saw some in the zoo in Singapore last year and I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I would have loved to have stroked them.

    #16 – Noted!

    #22 – “…Jar-sodding-Jar Binks…” I found that VERY funny – the way you said it.

    #23 – Interesting darls. Couldn’t have said it better myself, in fact.

    #24 and #25 – Totally agree.

    Well, you could always email the rude ones! LOL!


    PS: I’ll mark you off the list as MISSION COMPLETE!


  2. Paull Hamilton
    Paull Hamilton says:

    Hi Nikki,

    2, 64th Irish, even less exotic !

    3, Love Stephen Fry, he is so clever

    4, Re number 2, Guiness with an umbrella and a cherry

    5, Tried it on a freezer once but, got thrown out of Tesco’s, groan !

    6, love it, my favourite dish is Chipirones (baby squid) Mmmm..

    7, i no wot u meeen

    10, I need two huge mugs in the morning before I can even talk

    12, I tried pole dancing once. It involved a lot of beer and a lampost, not really the same thing is it !

    Top list Nikki, very funny

    All the best,



  3. James Woodfield
    James Woodfield says:

    Hey, Nikki!

    Great to see you’re back!
    Yes, I spelt it with an apostrophe & an ‘e’.
    I’m a bit (7) as well; and besides, as I always say,
    Please don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood.

    Talking of which, I think you got off lightly a while back, when I seem to remember you mentioning something about Gary possibly helping you with positioning yourself… A bit rash, unless I dreamt it, in which case I may have put myself in a rather awkward position.

    Anyway, I think you were wondering which way to go, and it occurred to me that maybe you don’t need to change course much at all.

    I think you could take your blog up to Itty Biz or Dooce levels if you wanted to. And Dooce.com famously brings in around $40,000…

    I think the current Itty Biz post is interesting & useful, BTW. So is this one:

    Perhaps you’ve already positioned yourself; you’re creating your own brand, and it’s already a strong and widely-known one.

    Perhaps your cue is in the excellent title you’ve chosen for today’s post.
    As the lyric near the end of the song says, “you are the one and only you”!

    You may know that the song was written by another Nik – Nik Kershaw, who was born in Bristol.
    I might have mentioned that his first success was entitled “I Won’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”; but I probably shouldn’t use expressions like that while in the presence of your Purpleness!

    Best wishes,

    PS Yes, of course you’re Aries, aren’t you! As a Libran, I’m in two minds about astrology; but I do have a copy of Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs, and I think you might actually be in it!


  4. Dave Pumfrey
    Dave Pumfrey says:

    Hi Nikki,

    I came over to your blog initially to praise you for your comments on Hils blog post about children, education and life skills. And to say that I totally agree with your opinions on the subject.

    I also wanted to compliment you on your wordsmith abilities, and your humour.

    But what do I find – only more delectable prose to consume and 27 unique characteristics about Nix The Purple Minxy Witch, I never knew about – until now.

    I’ve also been ‘tagged’ by the Gazz-Man too, but haven’t got around to posting my list yet.

    Now I’ve seen the Gazz-mans’, yours’, Hils’ and Paulls’, I think I better up make sure my eforts are equally as entertaining.

    You are a very talented writer Nix – and I see a very bright future for you in the near future.

    All the best (the palm trees aren’t too far off),



  5. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Your Royal Purpleness…

    Oh, before I start:

    @Paull, that comment about the freezer – PMROTFL – you could only get away with a comment like that at two blogs and one of them is right here. LOL!

    @James, I would indeed find it delightful to “position” the Purple Witch – for success, of course! I am also Libran but I am never IN two minds. I actually HAVE two minds – one of them is often on display around the place, the other is more on display here than anywhere else, oddly.

    @ Dave – get your a** together Dave and just DO IT! Five of my “tags” have completed their missions and five have not – you don’t wanna be the LAST!

    Also, Dave, I am so glad that you mentioned Nikki’s writing ability. I want to be serious for a moment (my first mind) – I think Nikki is one of the OUTSTANDING writers in all the F500. I saw that the very first time she “hit” my blog. There are few who can match her when she is in full-flight. And that really excites the Gazz-Man to see such talent.

    (Now, going into second mind mode again, unfortunately)

    So, with a little bit of – shall we say – “private tuition” from a certain “you-know-who” the Nixster is gonna be flying high on her broomstick to success.

    Back to being serious again…

    Nikki, all jokes and innuendo aside, you know I really believe that. There is a quality about your writing that is very rare and it is a huge weapon for you.

    Oh dear, there I go again talking about weapons. I’m sorry folks, I just get caught up in all this Sun Tzu “Art of War” and Miyamoto Musashi “Book of Five Rings” stuff. And I do so love weapons as you would have read on my own 25+ revelations.



  6. Mrs Renee Olson
    Mrs Renee Olson says:

    Hey my butterfly friend,

    I had a computer crash and lost my original comment. Arggh!

    As Dave Pumfry said, “You are a very talented writer Nix – and I see a very bright future for you in the near future.”

    I do think you could have ended at “Although don’t ever cross me.” Only the ignorant would need it spelled out.

    Kudos to the lady with a razor sharp mind and matching fingers on a keyboard. I am waiting patiently for you to unveil your “store.”

    And # 25, You think? You? Are you sure? LOL

    Hay sins u dont lik fish, I wont send u a cope of how to freez a hol lobstr. K?



  7. James Woodfield
    James Woodfield says:

    There you go, Nikki,

    To summarise, you’re an outstanding writer with a razor-sharp mind and a talent for delectable prose of very rare quality.

    At this rate, you could well be on your way to becoming the next Blogging Queen!

    Thank you for commenting back at my site.
    You’re right, you can’t put a price on the kind of friendship and support that we enjoy in this community.

    By the way, I mentioned Dooce yesterday, and I assume you’re familiar with the word that she coined to describe what happened to her.

    Of course, we’d all be interested to hear about your day job, but I think you’re wise not to write about it. One can never be sure what one’s employers might take exception to; which is why so many since have found themselves dooced.

    On a lighter note, the lady’s answer to the question of how she prefers to be addressed (dooce, Heather, or Mrs. Armstrong) somehow reminds me of you.

    She writes “I prefer you that you address me as Wondrous Being of Light and Splendor.”

    ‘Bye for now,



  8. Hilary Dickinson
    Hilary Dickinson says:

    Hi Nikki

    Well, well, well! (Yes I know – three holes in the ground…)

    I go off for 3 days to carry on sorting out my aunt’s house (and boy did I need a shower when I got back!)and my latest blog post has been wonderfully taken over by a super rant!

    Good on you – I really agree with you and will answer you in more detail on my blog when I have caught up with what’s gone on in the last few days and the backlog on jobs I have to do now I’m home.

    Tee Hee – I like your list (I’m wondering if any of us can count?!?)

    Some I can relate to: 7, 14, 15, 16, 22, 23, 27, but I think I said some of that in my 25 things

    I am a no 13 too, though I don’t follow that at all.

    But no 19 puzzles me, or doesn’t France count as abroad?

    Some of the others are not me but I’m not surprised to see them here!

    Oh and yes Paull – I had a good laugh at your comment too – just dropped in there so innocently…

    So good job here – will catch up more soon!



  9. Tommy McLaughlin
    Tommy McLaughlin says:


    Mosts of your hates are my loves!!!

    Foodwise anyways, ha ha ha !

    You are right about the sand!

    Paull, erm I have not tried the freezer? Other white goods lol ! not telling …

    Right, let me step back out the gutter ….

    I am also a Libra, do like to think it makes me well balanced ….

    #11 caught my eye can’t think why lol !!

    #1 5′ 10 1/2 barefoot …. 6′ 2″ with heels lol !!

    #20 – My best friend is now my wife , corny but true …

    Anyhoos, need to go as I have a full day of interviewing for new staff and I have not had my porridge yet 😉

    Tara Boogle



  10. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    Hello peeps!

    I thought some of you may be amused by my list! So here’s some responses for you.

    1. Gaz-Man – Really? You’d volunteer yourself for that? That’s very noble of you to take one for the team. I can see no-one else could even contemplate taking on that challenge!

    2. Yes. She is an attractive woman, has the kind of look that I like. Hence my point!

    3. Paull, the key is to try a 24 hour supermarket late at night / early morning, then they’re more likely to turn a blind eye or appreciate the entertainment. Although freezer burn is never really the way forward. As for the drunken poledancing, yes, I’ve done that as well. Last time it was a scaffolding pole I think! Oh dear.

    4. James, hello, long time no see! You’re dreaming about the Gaz-Man positioning me? Hmm. Then I have to hope it’s some pretty good positioning that you’re dreaming about! Now, I don’t know anything about Dooce, care to enlighten me? Ooh, what does your book say about Aries people then? Talking of that stuff, I’ve got a brilliant book on Aries by Purple Ronnie (the cartoon dude, used to advertise Vimto I think?) – absolutely accurate (one of the comments is something along the lines of ‘eating men for breakfast’). Best horoscope book I’ve ever read!

    5. Dave, firstly, congratulations for surviving the rant of massive proportions that I left over there! Even I was slightly surprised by the length by the time that I’d finished, but then, it figures really that I would only deal with things of impressive length…oh, it’s so easy for me to deviate into suggestive nonsense! But then that’s one of the reasons that people come over here I guess! In all seriousness though, thank you very much for the compliment. It means a lot to me to have people pick up on the more sensible side of my online presence (yes, I do have one occasionally, I just hide it well!).

    6. Gaz-Man, don’t tell everyone about the private tuition or they’ll all want some! As for the broomstick, that’s all primed and ready to fly…

    7. Renee, thanks for popping over again! Some people need to have it spelled out that messing with me (in a bad way) is dangerous for their health. Although sometimes I like to let people find that out for themselves.

    8. Hello again James, back for another dose from the Lair of Temptation?! You said “To summarise, you’re an outstanding writer with a razor-sharp mind and a talent for delectable prose of very rare quality.” – wow! I might have to quote you on that!! As for addressing me, (yes, that does say ADdressing, not UNdressing), hmm, let me think. She Who Must Be Obeyed is always quite a good one! Any other suggestions?

    9. Hils, yes, it was a super rant of monolithic proportions! I could probably have kept going as well but I’d worn my fingers and the keyboard out! I’m glad that so far no-one has been offended by it, I know I do sail a little close to the edge sometimes with some of my comments, but you asked for an opinion and so you got one! Urgh. France. Well, it does count as abroad, but I was 12, we only went for a couple of days, and I had to stay (you’ll laugh) in a sodding ex-nunnery. Er, what’s that all about?! I have a reputation to maintain you know! Ok, so maybe at 12 I didn’t, but you know what I mean. My point was that I haven’t been on holiday – a torturous school trip certainly doesn’t count as a holiday in my book!

    10. Tommy! – it’s been a little while since you’ve popped over to the Lair! Did you need a little rest? So you’re interested in the burlesque – oh, of course, the fishnets! As if I could forget that you have a love of them! & the top hat of course. When are we going to see the pictures of you in action, that’s what I want to know!


    It’s a dull day here in the UK, but at least it’s getting warmer – if I shut my eyes I can pretend I’m somewhere hot & sunny instead! Now, where’s the cocktail waiter gone…

    The Purple Minxy Witch from, well, here!!


  11. James Woodfield
    James Woodfield says:

    Hi Nikki

    “Another dose from the Lair?”
    Perhaps you need to outsource your PR!

    Seriously, although your readers probably enjoy a bit of ‘suggestive nonsense’, I don’t think that’s what brings them. To put it another way, double entendres alone wouldn’t be enough to make me come.

    While I concur heartily with those earlier assessments of your work, and I would happily be quoted, I was only summarising what Dave, Gary and Renee had said about you.

    As for you becoming a Blog Queen, I hope your Magentesty (sic) will forgive my impertinence. It seems that you have been wearing a crown for a while now without my noticing it – I see now that your purple royalness was mentioned as a fait accompli by Tommy on his blog, last month.

    I’m not sure about SWMBO. Even without seeing the whips, people might get the wrong idea.

    Your having made a distiction between ADdressing and UNdressing will hopefully have put readers in mind of ANdress (Ursula) , who played She Who Must Be Obeyed in the sixties film version of the story.

    But on the other hand (told you I was Libran), they might think of the wife of Rumpole of the Bailey.
    With all due respect to the lady, that’s perhaps not an image you would choose to project. PR again…

    ‘Bye for now



  12. Andy Beveridge
    Andy Beveridge says:

    Hi there, would love to be included on your blogroll because I think your going to make quite an impact.
    Looking forward to reading more posts from the purple witch queen.

    Andy Beveridge


  13. Theresa Mayhew
    Theresa Mayhew says:

    Hi Nikki,
    Glad to see you got over your initial doubt at the beginning of the post and by #27 you have firmly stated you have no regrets.

    Thanks for opening the door to your lair and letting us have a glimpse of your true colors.



  14. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    Ha ha – James, do you think I need to outsource my PR? I thought I was doing quite well myself! As for your comment “To put it another way, double entendres alone wouldn’t be enough to make me come.”, no, I know exactly what you mean. We all need a little more stimulation in that area.

    Gaz-Man, I love any title that gives me an air of importance! So Her Magentesty can be added to it all. A bit like your “King Gary, Self-Proclaimed Lord of the Lemurs” title. And as I commented on Garry’s blog ages ago, we all know that some lemurs are indeed blessed with extremely large tails. Helps the balance you see. They look pretty damn good too.

    Hi Andy, welcome to the madness! Of all the many things that go on over here, sanity and decorum are nowhere near to be seen. That’s what makes it so much fun!

    Theresa, can you guess that my true colours seem to be rather purple?! I started with about 2 things, and then they just started flowing. All somewhat random, but then that just sums me up really!!


    The Purple Minxy Witch


  15. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Hello My Purple Creationist…

    Oh dear, that comment back to James – I wonder if he realised what he was getting himself into trading witicisms with the likes of you! LOL!

    MESSAGE TO JAMES – You are flirting with EXTREME DANGER!

    PMSL @

    ““King Gary, Self-Proclaimed Lord of the Lemurs”

    – and all related lunacy pertaining to that comment, now and before. You make me laugh so much. I have about a dozen replies fermenting in my mind to that and NONE of them are fit to print here. There are certain things that just can’t be said…

    … I have to stop. Right NOW!



  16. Nikki
    Nikki says:


    You need to watch a bit of Madagascar to understand the true lunacy of King Julian.

    “Flirting with Extreme Danger” – yep, that’s me all over!!



  17. Mrs Renee Olson
    Mrs Renee Olson says:

    Hey Nikki,

    Have you ever considered compiling all the funny stuff into one place?

    You know I just came here to check in with you and instead I get a belly full of laughs this morning.‘eating men for breakfast’…(How big is James? Not too high in calories, I hope.) “King Gary, Self-Proclaimed Lord of the Lemurs”

    And for the record, when I said you could have stopped at “Although don’t ever cross me.” I was referring to a using a better quote that meant the same thing just without the F**K word in it. That word is kind of like an invisable line.

    It’s one thing when a guy uses it publicly (in written form)and another thing when a girl uses it. Unfortunatley, there is a double standard.

    You are smart, loyal, noble, hot,and sexy. From my view in cyber space, you never have to stick a toe, finger or tongue near the line. And if you leave it out, it’s like reading a juicy book.

    Know one ever says it, BUT we ALL know it’s there! Who’s gonna get stung?

    I love reading your stuff.

    Be back soon,



  18. Linda
    Linda says:

    #20 is rare – and a strong indicator of high E.Q. Good on you!

    #1 — When I wear high heals I “might” reach your bare foot height. lol

    #15 – lol.


  19. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    Hey Renee

    “You are smart, loyal, noble, hot,and sexy.” May I please quote you on that?! I understand your point about the quote as well. I like the sound of a juicy book!

    I shall fly over to yours soon in my butterfly style to spread the purple madness.

    Hi Linda,

    Yes, a lot of people have trouble with the concept of #20 – they just can’t believe that it can be done. I know for the majority of people it would cause too many issues, or the friendship wasn’t there in the first place. That, and I just like to be different!!



  20. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Hi Nikki and Renee,

    Gee whiz, you ladies should hear the young German girl who cuts my hair. Every second word is the “F” word. But she makes me laugh. You see, her English is rather broken and every time she fumbles for a word (usually, the wrong one) she says “effen.” The WAY that she says it is very funny – with a real emphasis on the “ing” at the end.

    She’s only about 24 or 25 and really pretty but totally naive. And NO – I don’t take advantage of her lack of English to make fun of her or anything else but we do spend a heck of a lot of time laughing as I try to explain the nuances of words to her and offer alternate words and explain them to complete what she is trying to say.

    I really don’t mind women saying that word if they are trying to make an emphatic point but I don’t like to hear it all the time or just in general conversation. I don’t see too much difference between a woman saying it or a man saying it. I detest hearing schoolkids say it. Same as I can’t stand seeing schoolkids smoking. Actually, I hate seeing anyone smoking.

    Maybe, I might just take your blog over here for a while Nixster. You took about two page folds on mine yesterday – fair’s fair. So, diverting to smoking for a moment…

    … at the wedding I attended yesterday there were some of these rancid, horrible cigars being offered around. Some people took them and starting smoking the God-awful things. Anyway, I go outside to get some fresh air (cough, splutter, cough – GAG!) and there they all are – puffing away like bloody silly chimneys.

    I saw the young groom (who I know is a NON-smoker) trying to guts that thing in so I just walked up to him and said, “Jared, you’re not enjoying that are you?” To which he said, “Not really.” So I just took it out of his hand, chucked it on the ground and stomped on it, thereby saving his new bride from having to lick an ashtray when he kissed him.

    Anyway, swearing… it is just so commonplace these days. Over here where I live, we recently had a Judge deem that two young kids were perfectly OK swearing at other people and themselves on a train platform. They were arrested after they were asked to stop doing it. To which they promptly screamed at the guards to “EFF OFF!” Charming. Then they physically attacked the guards by kicking and punching and spitting on them and were arrested. Real future anti-social lunatics and criminals in the making here methinks. Now cop this…

    … the Judge (DH, that he obviously is) who supposedly presided over the case is allowing the two kids to sue the guards and the Government for wrongful arrest. How UTTERLY STUPID is that? They are now being rewarded for being nasty little anti-social mongrels. What message is the dopey Judge giving them?

    On TV we see liberal use of that word. It is in most novels that we read these days (and a hell of a lot worse) and you hear it every time you walk down the street or go into a shopping centre.

    To me, it all depends on the context of HOW it is said and the intent behind it, plus the effect that the person is attempting to make. If it is just to sound “tough” then that just turns me right off and I think the person is an immature DH (Richard Cranium).

    Like I am often prone to say – quoting myself again here Nix and Linda – “Time, Place and Circumstance.”

    OK. That’s about it I reckon, now I have to eff off coz I have work to do. PMSL.

    Gary Simpson.


  21. Thomas Bartke
    Thomas Bartke says:


    Deliteful! I wonder how this would do as a show on ustream…?


    P.S.: I hope you will change the title of your “upcoming ebook” before you release it… 🙂


  22. Gene
    Gene says:

    Hi PMT,

    I like the original “Star Wars” too. Unlike you (probably), I saw them when they originally came out. Yes I am old. I remember sitting in the very first row and it was just like you were inside the cockpit of the fighter as Luke dropped that torpedo down that chute in #1.

    “Lord of the Rings” was Awesome too. Too bad that they will probably never do “The Hobbit.”

    So we have a couple things in common after all. xcept i down’t spel to gud.

    I will be working on ym 25 things in my blog soon.

    Gene, a fellow Alex Jeffreys student



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