I Don’t Know What’s Worth Fighting For, Or Why I Have To Scream…

I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know its not alright
So I’m
Breaking the habit
Tonight

(lyrics from Linkin Park – Breaking The Habit)

As I’m writing this it’s Sunday night, I’m on the sofa, and reflecting on my weekend.  I’m also watching Transformers (the film) – so I’m multitasking as always.

How many of us are rushing around from one thing to the next without pausing for breath in between?  How many of us are on autopilot as we’re moving throughout life?  There’s a quote that I read recently that says “life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”.  (Once I’ve found out who wrote it, I’ll add their name in here).  How many of us are just going through the motions of life, without really feeling it, enjoying it, or adding any impact?

I was having a cup of tea in IKEA on Saturday in between a little retail therapy and I was making notes in my book – I was only sitting there for about 45 minutes.  Yet after about 20 minutes, all sorts of ideas were coming into my head for my business and my future direction.  My point being that it was only after I’d been sitting quietly and having some time out that my thoughts had time to filter through to my conscious mind.  I’m definitely guilty of rushing around like a headless chicken at times – despite my calm and mostly chilled countenance, I am normally moving from one thing to the next on autopilot.  I imagine the majority of you reading this will identify with this scenario – we get up, get ready for work, go to work, come home again, possibly see friends or work on our other businesses in the evening, and before you know it, it’s time for bed again.  How many of us feel that there aren’t enough hours in the day?

“50 years from now when you’re looking back at your life don’t you want to say that you had the guts to get into the car?”

 

Sorry, it just got to that part in the film.  How many of us let opportunities pass by because we don’t know what the outcome will be?  This partially relates to my rather lengthy post over at Hilary’s blog on children, education and upbringing – so many people are afraid of change and of potential failure (or even success) that they would rather stay in the relative safety of their comfort zones.  A lot of us have been brought up to seek security in every area of our lives.  Get a steady job, a steady relationship, have the 2.4 children, the white picket fence, etc etc.  Yawn.  And then people wonder why they never break out of the monotony of their everyday lives.  I do not want to wake up when I’m 70 and suddenly realise that I have spent my entire life sleepwalking through it according to other people’s expectations.

Luckily for me I realised at an early age that other people have their own agendas and reasons for wanting to keep you in a little box, and so I have been following my own path for many years now.  The only problem that I have had with that is not being able to find the kind of guidance that I needed.  It’s been patently clear to me what I don’t want, and that sadly the majority of people that have been around me are those that would rather be safe in their box instead of trying to break out to make something of themselves.  That isn’t me.  I have never been good with people trying to restrain me or pigeon-hole me.

Anyway, back to my Saturday.  I had also indulged in a little pampering that day, and that had prompted my thoughts on taking a little time out to do something for yourself.  We cannot function effectively when we are tired and run down or drained.  We all need a little time to just take stock of our current situation, without feeling that we have to be actively working on anything.  For having that short bit of time out to just relax and not be ‘doing’ something, I gave my mind the opportunity to cut through all the everyday chatter and produce some useful ideas.  Sometimes we need to just stop to allow ourselves that downtime.  We are often our harshest critics, when we should be our fiercest supporters.

There is only the one of us, and we are irreplaceable.

As my final point, I would like to suggest that you pop over to the Gaz-Man’s blog.  He has kindly offered a very powerful ebook there for free – and I think it’s the ideal companion for when you’re taking that bit of time for yourself.  It can help to put things into perspective.

Nikki




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27 replies
  1. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Nikki,

    Thank you for that plug. I do appreciate it.

    I see you are beginning to reflect on things using “quiet time” for yourself and… all sorts of ideas are coming to you. Mind you, there are also occasions for “bawdy time” too. LOL!

    Remember about a month ago when I said that I was sitting at the hair-dressing salon waiting for my cute little German hair-dresser to get to me? Ja? Well, in that 15 to 20 minutes I made 52 entries into my notebook for possible blog post topics. That would have otherwise been 15 to 20 minutes reading some dopey magazine. Brain time.

    Thanks again

    Gary
    TEMPLE

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  2. Hilary Dickinson
    Hilary Dickinson says:

    Nikki

    Have you been reading my mind?

    I have been a little quiet on the blogs for a few days. I’ve been contemplating all of the various things I am doing to try to decide what is the best road to take.

    As well as work – and I have been given more teaching this week, I have three other home businesses. One I just let run along without actively promoting it, but one I am very conscious that I am not giving my customers the service they deserve at the moment, so must focus a little more on that. The third is something I enjoy doing and want to to more of for me.

    Add to that family life and the completion of a house move for an elderly aunt, I suppose that it is not surprising that I need to take a break and really sort out my priorities if I am going to make this online business work.

    I have really got into the research for my young people and financial education – I appreciated your long rant as it really set the scene and lots of people have commented on it (so long can be good!).

    I am currently reading ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ which is turning some of my ideas on their head but I am really enjoying it. I can see that I will need to look further into this.

    I often do lots of thinking when I am in the car – I listen to great interviews etc whilst driving longer distances (and I’ve done quite enough of that lately), but the only trouble is that you cannot write it down whilst you are driving! I must get into the habit of writing it down when I get home.

    Well, I know that we have choices (as per Gazz Man’s story)and we all make the wrong choice sometimes, but if we can spend some time coming to important decisions by being quiet for a while, then we should all do more of it.

    Well done for saying this. We can all end up chasing our tails, but often what we were chasiing will still be there when we stop and take stock.

    Sometimes I still feel that I should be moving faster with this IM information, but then I stop and think that what is right for one person, is not necessarily so for me.

    We are each our own person and will follow our own course at our own time. We can be swept along by the tide or we can stand on top of the cliffs for a while to look out and decide where, how, why and when we are going.

    I love looking out over the sea, having a blast of marine air (look back to my comments just after Christmas when we went for a very fresh walk at Felixstowe). It clears the head and stopping to take time to think is an important part of that.

    I’m with you all the way.

    Hilary

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  3. James Woodfield
    James Woodfield says:

    Well said, Nikki.

    In our hectic lives, insight & inspiration are so often eclipsed by exigencies which are ultimately trivial.

    It’s all too easy in the 21st century to find one’s self with a full schedule and an empty life.

    Alex Jeffreys warned against being a busy fool, and that can be applied to more than just business.

    The time it takes to plan isn’t spent, it’s invested; and so is the time we set aside for stillness.

    In tranqillity, we can rise above mundane issues and gain the perspective which brings creativity and a sense of meaning.

    Especially, of course, with a nice cup of tea.

    Which reminds me: if you haven’t visited it already, you might enjoy http://www.NiceCupOfTeaAndaSitDown.com.
    It’s probably worth visiting for the url alone, but I like it for its Englishness and its writing style.
    It’s the only site I’ve ever seen with a stated tea policy, and has a heavy emphasis on biscuit reviews. It boasts ‘the most comprehensive Fig Roll review in history’ and also includes an interesting article about government cold-war tea contingency plans.

    By the way, how can you write stuff of this quality whilst watching a movie?
    I know I’m only a man, but this goes above and beyond mere multi-tasking, doesn’t it?

    Best wishes,

    James

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  4. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    Good morning everyone,

    It’s sunny here in the UK, which is definitely a bonus. Oh, and it’s Friday, which of course is even better.

    1. Gaz-Man Quiet time isn’t something that comes naturally to me, I’m always ‘doing’ something (oh, and talking far too much) – so to actually sit and have time out is quite a novelty. However, I do think it’s important, so I need to factor that into my life.

    2. Hilary It’s not just me then! That makes me feel better. I almost didn’t go to the hairdresser but I’m so glad I did – it was when I was sitting there having my head massaged (I love that SO much!) that it occurred to me how rarely I take time to just sit and relax, hence this post. That got me thinking which then continued with my tea in IKEA (again, mentioned above) – so I need to prioritise having some time out to do very little on occasion. A rested me is going to be a much more effective me than one rushing around like a fool.

    That’s about the only thing I miss about living near the sea – having that opportunity to just take some time out and go for a walk along the beach. In my teens I used to take my camera down to the beach and get some black & white shots of the surf etc. Those afternoons seem a whole lifetime away from me now (er, well they were 10 years ago!).

    3. James Yes, I am a busy fool sometimes, as I’m sure everyone is. I’m just better at it then others!! I especially liked your comment:

    “In tranquility, we can rise above mundane issues and gain the perspective which brings creativity and a sense of meaning.”

    So so true. There isn’t much that is tranquil about the Purple Minxy Witch, so perhaps I need to resolve that! As for the tea – you read my mind. I’m so English in that respect, I’m obsessed with tea. Going to rummage around the website you recommended now 🙂

    As for multitasking, I’ll refer you to my previous post of the 25 things about me – I’m a woman! I multitask all the time! I was also annoying myself by quoting the film as it went along, so there was more to the multitasking than I first mentioned…what can I say – I have many skills & talents!!

    4. Gaz-Man – PMSL indeed. Very accurate!!

    …………………………………

    The Purple Minxy Witch

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  5. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    For me, I guess it all comes down to focussing on the task at hand. I like to to a good job so I like to focus. I can’t have my mind all over the place coz I am a male of the species. LOL!

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  6. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Purple One,

    Oh, I forgot to mention… I am a tea freak too. Maybe it’s my English roots. My paternal Grandparents were from Yorkshire and Great Yarmouth.

    But I do so like Japanese green tea – when I can find it. You should try that Nix. You might like it too.

    Gary

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    Nikki Reply:

    Gaz-Man

    Hmm. Japanese green tea. Hell, I’ll try most things once (sometimes twice just to make sure) so why not? I’ll give it a go.

    As for the male brain and concentration….I’m still laughing here!!

    Nix

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  7. Tommy McLaughlin
    Tommy McLaughlin says:

    Nikki

    Another inspired blog post …..

    I hear you, I am always on the go ….

    I get very little time it feels to reflect and filter thoughts ….

    I can give you a slight giggle … some of my best ideas have arrived when I have been in the ‘Men’s Library’ – ie the bathroom …..

    It can be at times the only place for piece and quiet ….

    and interesting enough, it is thought to be a habit that men have got into from many years ago, when families lived in the ‘single end’ property ie two rooms…. Glasgow was full of them during the early 1900’s – 1960’s, when a bright spark came up with the idea of High Rise Flats to be the answer to the old tenament buildings

    Anyhoos I digress, this is thought to be the reason why men go to think and read in the loo, as only place or some peace and quiet???!!!??

    I know sounds crazy, but how many men can you remember or know that go to the loo with a paper etc ….

    Or am I the crazy one to admit on occassion I do ??!!! lol !!!

    Laugh you may, but maybe during my ‘me’ time in the loo I could come up with a stonking idea lol !!!

    I live in hope !

    Speak soon

    Tommy

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  8. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Tommy,

    Just correcting your spelling here my friend…

    Tomster…

    “…during my ‘me’ time in the loo I could come up with a stonking idea lol !!!”

    Stonking? I guess it depends on what you’ve been eating man!

    Sorry about the “toilet humour”… NOT! PMSL at that, unfortunately.

    Now, Nix… Japanese green tea IS the goods. I make a nice pot, let it steep and then pour it into my little sipping cup. YUMMY!

    Er, yeah, guys aren’t real good at multi-tasking things but I can usually hum a tune at the same time.

    Gazz-Man

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  9. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    9. Tommy – Oh, that made me laugh! Yes, I’ve heard it said by a lot of people (mostly blokes funnily enough) that the Throne Time is the only place they get any peace & therefore any thinking done. Although obviously not if you’re suffering a little in a kind of morning-after-the-night-before-type way, as then you’re too busy to be able to relax and take your time. Oh dear. Toilet humour is one of my things I’m afraid, not sure that I should admit to it but hey, I figure most of you are aware that I have a terrible sense of humour!!

    Still laughing at “Men’s Library” – think I might have to use that term!!

    10. Gaz-Man – Fancy seeing you over here! Come to help me spring clean the Lair?
    Hmm. Not sure I could go for a little pot of anything – I don’t do little in any way shape or form!! You should see the size of the mugs I have at home for my tea. Definitely a double-hander, but then that’s the way I like it.

    ………………

    Nix

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  10. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Well Nix,

    The pot for my Japanese green tea is rather large but the sipping cups are small. Large pot, small cups. So you just keep pouring that tea. It’s quite nice actually, but time consuming to keep re-pouring. I guess I could always get bigger cups.

    Gazz-Man

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  11. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    @ 12 Gaz-Man

    I guess it all relates to my post above – in that some things are just worth taking your time & savouring slowly. That way you get maximum benefit all round.

    ………….

    A very chilled and zen-like Purple Minxy Witch

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  12. Michael J Ottman
    Michael J Ottman says:

    Nikki, you are absolutely awesome! Just the fact you are a Transformers fan and used the quote about getting in the car gave me shivers.

    I too do not wish to be in a box or do as everone expects me to do. I am a thinker and therefore will always be questioning things.

    I know my overall direction in life but the vehicle I use to get there is what I’m having difficulties with. I keep wanting to stop and look around at the scenery.

    I do this online all of the time. While I know what I want to accomplish and I know where I’m going, sometimes the scenery is just too good to pass up.

    Just too many “good deals.”

    I’ve decided to spend more time with like minded individuals such as yourself so I can refocus on the important things in life and slow down a bit.

    The destination will always be there but what about the trip? I myself want to savor every moment. Thanks Nikki for the inspiring words and I can’t wait till Transformers 2 comes out in June.

    Your book cover is coming soon, you deserve it.

    Michael J Ottman

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  13. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    14. Michael – you might also want to read the ’25 things about me’ post (called “I Am The One & Only”) – although actually, you might not! Glad you appreciated the Transformers reference, I love that film! I hadn’t realised another one was coming out in June, that’ll be a date for the diary.

    You said:

    “I know my overall direction in life but the vehicle I use to get there is what I’m having difficulties with. I keep wanting to stop and look around at the scenery.”

    Oh, I have exactly the same problem. I get distracted by things far too easily! But then I am always making lists, so in some respects I am very organised, and in other respects I’m in my own little world. I’ll get there in the end.

    15. Gaz-Man – I am always very chilled and zen apart from when I run out of teabags (very rare!) – then…ooh there’s trouble!

    16. Congratulations Gaz-Man! You win the prize for spotting the Resident Code Monkey…now, what kind of prize would you like?

    …………….

    Nix

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  14. Denis Caron
    Denis Caron says:

    Hi Nikki:

    Thanks for stopping by my portal(!) (See, it’ll never get old). Hard to take the whole darn thing seriously now, though…

    Anyway, I wanted to tell you what a great favor you did for me by stopping by my blog, and one, that in fact, may help yourself as well…(pause, for dramatic effect)-

    You see, I couldn’t understand why I was getting no traffic what-so-ever at my blog lately-Even with the poem and the new site-checked Google ANALytics-nothing. And then you stopped by and left a couple of comments, but still nothing showed up. I figured that one visitor doesn’t show up. And then it dawned on me-DUH-

    When I changed my theme, I forgot to paste the Google ANALytics code into the new home page. It doesn’t do it automatically-boing-No code =’s no traffic stats.

    So, all of the previous was to thank you, and noticing that you mentioned you may make some changes here-A LESSON FOR ALL-if you change your theme, remember to re paste the Google ANALytics code back into your theme home page.

    Denis from “The Portal”

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  15. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Ha! Denis…

    I see you are using my Google ANALtics tag. Pesky little critters huh? I was gonna say, “give ’em the ars*” but that is what they want. Bummer huh? PMSL.

    Gazz-Man (in a really stupid mood)

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  16. Nikki
    Nikki says:

    18. Denis – no probs, I can see big things are coming out of your portal, might get a bit sore so make sure you stock up on cream. Oh dear. I’m not going to be able to leave that one alone!!

    That’s a very important point that you have brought forth from your portal (see?! Just can’t leave it), so I shall have to make sure that I make a note of my Google Analytics code to be able to keep it all updated. After all, I need to see what’s going on over here at the Lair.

    19. Gaz-Man, now, let’s see – when are you NOT in a stupid mood?! Oh, when you’re in serious BG mode. Or when HLSC is out on a rampage.

    20. Renee – email read, thank you for sending that through, I shall have to look into it in more depth (oh dear, now I feel another ‘portal’ joke coming on). Someone save me from myself, please!!

    ……………………

    Nix

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  17. Gary SIMPSON
    Gary SIMPSON says:

    Nikki,

    Yes, you have that 100% correct, as usual. Stop lairising! LOL!

    Laughing Lemur Lama from Lima Laying Liberally Lascivious Litany at the Lair of the Lusciously Likeable Lisson Lioness.

    Enough stupidity for today?

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  18. Matt Cross
    Matt Cross says:

    Hey Nikki

    Just wanted to check in with you. I really enjoyed this post. I find clarity when I’m alone and have time to reflect as well. Question for ya – have you written an ebook? If you have how are you promoting it besides giveaways? I’m in such a rut promoting my ebook!

    Thanks Nikki, stay in touch!
    Matt

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  19. Ann Marie Dennis
    Ann Marie Dennis says:

    Hey Nikki,

    what a gorgeous post. I’m sure many, many, many people resonate with what your saying. Sometimes it seems we work so hard and squeeze so much in, in the hope that when everythings done we can take a breather and have a massage. Every day for the past couple of months I’ve been meaning to take some time out and indulge in a massage. Hasn’t happened yet, it will very soon though, I have a holiday planned which is drawing closer every day. What I have found is I’m getting more done and having much more fun the closer the holiday comes. May be we should all be scheduling in more holidays through the year, yes?

    Annie

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  20. Lori James
    Lori James says:

    Hi Nikki,

    Your post really hit home with me. I NEVER stop going or take time out for myself, not in a long time. I’m determined to be a success online, but get side-tracked a lot. I have my 3 year old grandson who is very very active, work on my business at night, and get hardly any sleep at all(which is not a good thing), and have just moved and have tons to unpack. I’m by myself so I have no one to help. By the time I’m online I’m exhausted, therefore distracted! So you’re advice to take some downtime for ME is just what I needed to hear! I have so many great ideas for my business and really need to take better care of myself so I’m not so distracted and am able to concentrate on putting my ideas into action.

    The biggest thing is lack of time, but I’ll just have to work around that somehow!

    Thanks again,

    Lori James

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